Not so funky...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008 at 4:14PM
So I''ve been in a bit of a funk the last few weeks. I think mainly brought on by my 31st birthday. Now I turned 30 last year without barely a flinch, so I was a little surprised that turning 31 made me moody and introspective. This was expounded last weekend when I attended a funeral for a friend from high school who passed away. The manner in which he passed was also very sad which I think made it worse.
Since my birthday and the funeral I have been thinking a lot about my impact on humanity. I don't feel satisfied about where I am in life, what I've done and that I haven't really made a difference. When I sat in the funeral which packed our local community hall, and listened to people reclaim the greatness of our dearly departed I couldn't help but wonder if I passed, would it matter? Have a impacted people enough for my absence to matter? You assume on some degree or another that you have, but how do you know? The answer is, you don't. The problem seems to be that even with a heart full of good intentions it seem hard for me to make the changes I would like to make. I don't seem to be able to satisfy my current obligations well enough to allow time to work on other things. I find it very frustrating and don't know what to do. I hope I can find a resolution, as I hate feeling out of sorts like this.
Hmmm.....
Since my birthday and the funeral I have been thinking a lot about my impact on humanity. I don't feel satisfied about where I am in life, what I've done and that I haven't really made a difference. When I sat in the funeral which packed our local community hall, and listened to people reclaim the greatness of our dearly departed I couldn't help but wonder if I passed, would it matter? Have a impacted people enough for my absence to matter? You assume on some degree or another that you have, but how do you know? The answer is, you don't. The problem seems to be that even with a heart full of good intentions it seem hard for me to make the changes I would like to make. I don't seem to be able to satisfy my current obligations well enough to allow time to work on other things. I find it very frustrating and don't know what to do. I hope I can find a resolution, as I hate feeling out of sorts like this.
Hmmm.....
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"Everyone must leave something behind when he dies, my grandfather said. A child or a book or a painting, or a house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made or a garden planted. Something your hand touched some way so your soul has somewhere to go when you die, and when people look at that tree or that flower you planted, you're there. It doesn't matter what you do, he said, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away."
- Ray Bradbury
Fahrenheit 451